Rambling Drabbles by Taomerline
by Taomerline Fanfiction
Summary: A uniquely intriguing collection of my various drabbles. Enter, and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Written for BonesBird **__**Fanfiction**__** Drabble Challenge for February 17, 2012. This **__**drabble**__** can be viewed religiously, or romantically. My intention was to describe a long-awaited bliss. Enjoy! **_

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *** **_

It was too hard for me even to conceive of it, let alone actually think of it. There was no way in hell, that I could bring myself to believe it. How many years had I wished, hoped, prayed, and pleaded in my mind for someone to come. I would never think so highly of myself as to dare say that what I sought was comfort. Some things forever remain inconsolable, and I know many things of this kind. So, comfort wasn't at all what I expected to find through knowing him.

Amazingly, so little time had passed before I felt, "Maybe. Just maybe. This will be the One to save me, from myself."

No, it did not take very long at all, when I felt my soul rise with his, and we flowed … together … quite easily … smoothly … almost as if we were gliding through the thinnest of air. That was when we both knew that we were each other's Wonderwall. Overflowing with ecstacy, we peeked through the slice in the veil and … Behold! We were Blessed.

_**A/N: All of my future **__**drabbles**__** will be added into this story as chapters. More will follow … eventually. **_


	2. Chapter 2

This is original drabble was created on 2/13/12, by Taomerline, For Whitewolf200056

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

Feeling completely sated, she reclined leisurely in the fresh fallen snow. She had definitely earned her rest. WhiteWolf is not an old wolf, nor a youngster. She has earned her status honorably. Over the years, there have been a few, who have unknowingly mistaken her graceful stature as frailness. Oh, how wrong they were proven to be! Challengers barely limped away in the end, grateful for their lives. WhiteWolf does not slay those who oppose her. Others in her tribe will handle that for her. She always lives her life with honour, integrity, and an enduring love for the beauty of the mundane.

She is coming into her prime, but she was always wise. Still, she retains that loftiness of youth; forever holding on to the things she believes, for they are her strength and her fortitude.

Many walk side-by-side with WhiteWolf, because they choose to do so. As she will tell you, she is not a _leader_, nor a follower. She, as are we, belong to a worldwide tribe. All of us stand tall against any wrong done to any of us. We are more than family. We love because we choose to do so, never because it's obligated. With us, love must be earned. Oh, and once it is earned, it is emblazoned into our souls. We are forever united.

We are … _**The Tribe of Honourable FanFictioners**_


	3. Chapter 3

010112 Fan Fiction Drabble Challenge for 1/1/12

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

_**And we all sit around here in our home town. Listen to the waves as they all crash down. And watch the fire as it slowly burns away, glowing embers fly across the sky.**_

It's really funny how traditions begin. Why and when seem to be the most often asked questions. The answers usually can't be trusted, because no one actually noted the first event. It wasn't an event then. It was just something that was taking place. Something like all the other ordinary things everybody is always doing. It had seemed insignificant to those involved, and to those who witnessed it. I should probably say, to those who saw it, versus using the word witnessed; that word seems to have major implications tied to it. Saw is the appropriate word, because those people didn't give a damn about what they saw in passing. I miss a lot of words and phrases that seem to be defunct these days. One of those millions of treasures is the word passerby. Now, when was the last time you heard that word? Another lost treasure.

I'm sorry. Sometimes I let my mind drift. Well, I say 'I let it', but in all honesty … I no longer have any say over what the hell comes into my mind and out of my mouth. These are either funny days for some people (those ignorant guttersnipes who have no respect for their elders, or any anybody else's elders); they are sad days for other people (people like me). Every day, I'm so grateful that I can still recall my youthful days. Note: I prefer recall versus remember. Too many stupid things are _remembered_, but those beautifully mundane things are _**recalled as remembrances**_. Ok, so … where was I? Ah! Yes, traditions and the wherewithal of what purpose they serve, or don't serve, as the case may be.

I'm sure that it wasn't really sunny every time, but it was always magnificent to me. Every Sunday my family, neighbors, and friends (along with everybody else's in town) went down to the shoreline. 'Beach' is too common a word for the splendid ways of life that we enjoyed. The men rolled up the bottoms of their trousers, and ladies had little buttons and loops which held up both sides of their dresses. They only raised their dresses to below their knees. What a sight they were!

We enjoyed conversations of meaning, not ignorant rumors. We were above all of that. I'm proud to say that I still am above the rudeness of today's folk.

Throughout all of my years, I've never seen anything more lovely than the shoreline of my hometown. It's still wondrous, listening to the waves as they all crash down upon the rocks.

It's not only the deadwood that is burning into embers. One day, I will be those glowing embers flying across the sky. Think of me often, please.


	4. Chapter 4

**Drabble**** 01/15/12 **

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

_**Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied. Everyone goes round a little empty inside. Take a breath, look around, swallow your pride … For now.**_

Mother is an extremely proud woman. She's not arrogant, just full of pride and integrity. She married late in life, wanting to have a baby before she ran out of time. I was born nine months later. Mother didn't want any more children; so, I'm an only child. I never had any questions about the term _lonely child_; I knew exactly what it meant and felt like.

Everything money could buy, Mother had bought it for me. She always took her cues from the beautiful and popular people. There was only one thing that she knew nothing about, and that was me. I was the person who should have mattered the most to her. I was her lonely, and only child.

I grew up privileged: the best neighborhoods, the best schools, the best of everything. Surrounded by the beautiful people, and their beautiful lives, I was lost. I was no one. I was nothing except a beautiful shell of a being that appeared to be functioning as expected. Pomp and circumstance were followed by circumstance and pomp. I spent my early years trying to fake it. I fooled them all, but I couldn't fool myself. What a miserable life!

Let's just skip those horrendous teenage dating years. Let's talk about the glorious twenties. I was still living the lie … sorry about that … I meant the life of a bright young thing. By that time in my life, I had finally stopped speaking words of untruth. I stopped giving a damn about anyone's feelings. No one ever cared about me, so I stopped caring about them.

Recently, at a wedding reception, I met a very handsome man, named David. He scrutinized me for a few moments, and then asked if I knew what the best kept secret in the world was. I shook my head, and he told me a few simple truths that I had never, ever realized: "Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied. Everyone goes around a little empty inside. Take a breath … look around … and swallow your pride." David smiled and winked at me, then he asked me to dance. As we danced, I took closer looks at the beautiful people and their beautiful lives. I finally understood, that they had simply done their best; they settled for the rest.

Who was I to ask for more than that? It was time to start doing my best. Time to find a little bliss. That would have to be enough … for now.


	5. Chapter 5

Drabble – Feb 14, 2012

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

_**I'm stretching but you're just out of reach. You should know, I'm ready when you're ready for me. I'm waiting for a lifetime. For the day I catch your eye. To let you know that I'm yours to hold.**_

To Self,

Every Friday, most of my friends go out together for dinner, drinks, dancing, and romancing. I say _friends_, but let's be honest … they are just my team mates. They say we are friends, and I know that they believe that; and that they feel that. They're really great people. They always insist that I go with them; that they need me with them; that it'll be fun. The problem is that they have fun, and I don't. Because I'm not having fun, I feel bad for bringing them down, somewhat.

They think that I don't try hard enough to have fun. They keep working so hard to bring me into their fold. They don't realize that I'm already there. Right there, as close as I can get to them. No matter how far, and wide, I stretch my arms out to them … they remain JUST out of reach. I've been ready for them all my life. I've spent years waiting for them.

They think I'm socially awkward. They think that I don't know how to fit in with them. That's not the problem. The problem is that we grew up differently; neither better than the other, just different. It's normal to me, since it's all I've known. I like what my Mom always says, "Why mess with perfection."

She's the only one I've ever felt loved by, and who fully accepted me. She's the only one that doesn't expect me to _get with it_, _lighten up_, _get out there_, and so on. She knows ME. She knows what I need. I've tried to share myself with others, but I can't even do that right. I've tried to let them know who I am inside. That doesn't work either. All it tends to do is ramp up their desires to change me.

I just wish I knew exactly how to let them know that I'm their's to hold for as long as they'll have me. I just need them to hold ME, not who they want me to be. Maybe that doesn't bother other people. It bothers me. It's what I need, not what I want. I've more than settled for a lot of things in life, but I can't seem to fool myself into thinking that this is all I deserve.

I've learned that most people spend their lives hoping to catch someone's eye, or vice versa. I'm a certified genius. I know that I'm far too smart to remain hoping for such a fool's dream to come true. I don't care. I'll wait until the day that I die for my greatest wish to come true: _I want someone to see my soul, then they'll finally know ME. _

From Spencer


	6. Chapter 6

**Drabble**** – 2/5/12**

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

_**I feel her slipping through my fingers. Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on. And shocks went through my veins. Now that she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on. **_

Thank the Gods! I'm so glad that I didn't throw them out. She kept telling me that I didn't need them anymore. She kept telling me that my life was starting over … now that she loved me. She swore she loved me with every kiss, every cuddle, every look.

I tried my hardest to believe her. I put everything that I had into holding onto what she said was _love_. Before long, she said I had imagined things and over-reacted.

As much as my heart was breaking, I wasn't surprised when her generalized statements became ugly accusations and insults against me. She told me that I was trying to control her. She told me that I thought I was better than her. She told me that she had only been with me because she felt sorry for me. One day, she even told me that she had only gone out with me on a dare; not just any dare, but a fall-down, blubbering, drunken dare. The only reason she kept fucking me was because she didn't have anything better going on at the time.

She says she hates me, has always hated me, and will always hate me. She says that I'm a pathetic loser, who no one will ever truly love. That I should crawl into a hole and die.

I can't believe what happened to my life. I was always alone, before I got messed up with her. I was happy as far as I was concerned. My mornings were bright. My days were productive. I spent my evenings studying. My dreams were tolerable. I didn't even need the nightlights on … when she was with me.

Now, being in the dark is even worse than it was before. I used to be afraid of the dark. The inherent absence of light creates an enormous amount of disturbed imagery in my mind. That had been difficult enough dealing with every day and every night of my life before I had met her. I had never known what loneliness actually felt like.

Now I do. It hurts.


	7. Chapter 7

Drabble 2/3/12

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

_**I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends out of the tie that binds. Because you're mine, I walk the line. **_

The reason I have trouble finding dates isn't because I'm unattractive. In fact, I'm very attractive … or so, that's what everybody always tells me. Anyway, as I was saying … I can't find dates because everybody says that I have no heart, no compassion, no compulsive desire to mate constantly. That's not true. I have very strong sexual desires. I love beautiful women. I desperately want a beautiful woman to love me.

I guess, no … I know that I keep too close a watch on my heart. I don't want to give it too freely. I've seen most of those blockbuster movies. I know how they end, in heartache. I don't want that.

Morgan says that I need to take a chance on someone, anyone. He says that until I actually get my heart broken that I won't have learned anything about love. He doesn't care that I've read almost everything ever written on the subject. Morgan says that's not enough. He says that knowing how something feels is not at all the same as actually feeling it. I disagreed with him for years. He'd just walk away shaking his head. We agreed to disagree on my level of stupidity. The last time we talked about this, he walked away thinking that I didn't hear him mutter, "stupid genius." I heard him. I just didn't say anything more.

I do keep my eyes wide open all the time looking for that special someone. I'm not crude. I don't ogle women, blatantly. But I am always looking, hoping, wishing, dreaming …

Morgan's built like a tank; he can afford to take a lot more risks than I can. When he's caught chatting with a taken woman, he also knows how to calm down a jealous boyfriend. It's amazing. I've watched guys storm up to him with fire in their eyes because he's putting the moves on their girlfriend; a few seconds, they're all laughing.

I can't risk talking to women in bars. I can't 'Morgan' my way out of a hostile situation. I've been beaten up enough on the job. I don't need to get my ass kicked in a local bar. I try my best to stay out of situations that end up binding me to days of sickening pain. Also, I bruise easily.

With all of the beautiful women around here, I'm in love with a gorgeous starlet; she lives on the other side of the county. I think she wanted to fall in love with me, too. We're just too many miles apart.

If she were mine, I would definitely walk that line.


	8. Chapter 8

Drabble 01/25/12

_***** Disclaimer – I do not own any part of Criminal Minds. This is strictly for entertainment purposes and to improve my writing skills. *****_

_**Now we're here with the lights turned low. We won't regret anything we do. It's up to you, now make your move. Move a little closer, hold me tighter. I'll stay if your **__**gonna**__** keep me in line. Don't want it to be over … move … move slower. **_

It was 2:30 am and nobody ever called her after midnight. She answered the call. A man's voice asked her to verify who she was, she refused. She demanded to know the name of the caller and his purpose. She was very relieved when the man identified himself as one of her security patrol officers, and stated the current security word-code. The call didn't last long. Once the officer explained why he had called, she could hardly breathe. She said, "Yes, that's fine!"

She didn't have time to do much of anything; she gargled a little mouthwash, rinsed her face, and quickly brushed her hair. She decided against putting on any makeup. She knew that tonight, or this morning, was one of those life altering and defining moments. She wanted to be as open, honest, and soul bearing as she could be. Maybe it wouldn't work out. Then again, maybe it would.

The doorbell rang, and she was out of time. She stood still, took a few deep breaths, and tried her best to ground herself. She wanted to run to the door, but she resisted. If they were starting something new, then she wanted them to be equals.

She opened the door. The security officer began speaking; all she could see was Him. She began to tremble. She couldn't speak. Her tears fell. Her lips quivered. She was drowning in love.

She reached out to him. He said not a word, but stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He moved a little closer, took her into his arms, and held her tighter than she had ever been held before. His kiss was so slow and deep. It was as if he had branded himself into her soul.

She began to lose control and tried to take the lead, ushering him towards her bedroom. He pulled her back into his arms and told her that if she wanted him to stay, then it was going to be done his way. That for once in her life, someone was going to keep her in line, and that someone was him.

Slowly, very slowly he released the belt of her robe. He slid the top down over her shoulders and gripped it roughly. He said, "Don't rush. I don't want these moments to end. Move slower." She moved slower, and he took her higher (and higher), than she had ever been before.


End file.
